The Ginnys

Whew.  What a year.  It's time once again for the annual "GSV" awards, or "The Ginnys"  as they're affectionately called.

I say "once again,"  but it's never happened before.  The categories have not been hammered out yet, because here at GSV, we do not do that.  We start at the beginning, plow through the middle, and forge to the end.  In that order.  Spoiler Alert:  I'm pretty sure that Super cyclocross star Mark Savery will be awarded a Ginny this year, so there's that.

The Ginnys are always (since this is the first and last edition) awarded in the lovely time of the year between road and cross cycling season.  Also, the Vaginas are usually at their Gin Soakiest in September.

The Ginnys are intended as a way for me to recognize achievements in the world of the local cycling scene as I perceive it.  There is no science.  It really has to do with whatever has affected me personally as it relates to "Riding Bikes"  around the Omaha Metropolitan area.

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The first award goes to the Bike shop who has the most similar name to the award.  The Nominees are:

Omaha Bicycle Co.
Greenstreet Velo
Olympia
Trek Store
Bike Rack

I'm not even going to answer that one.  I mean they actually refer to themselves by the initials of the Award.  Congratulations, Greenstreet Velo.  You win.  Now please stop pandering.  It's embarrassing.

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Next is the award for highest average amount of Irish whisky and vegetable consumption on a gravel ride:

Mike Munson
Mark Savery
Scott Redd
Rafal Doloto
Gravelly O'Vegan*

This one was really close.  Not really.  Scott Redd!!! Come on up and grab your Ginny.  Congrats Scott.

* Gravelly O'Vegan was disqualified for not being an actual person, but my new nickname for Scott Redd.

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Ok, admittedly, the next category was difficult to fill up with nominees from the local area so it wasn't much of a contest.  Person most often seen representin' a world championship by rockin the rainbow kit:

Mark Savery

Well done Mark.  Let's see it again next year.

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Next,  Coolest Moustache in the Peloton:

Rafal Doloto
Jonathan Neve
Vince Asta
Peter Boyd
Mike Munson

Again.  This was a difficult one, until it was pointed out that Munson's was actually penciled in.  Nice Try Munson.

Oh my god!  This has never happened before.  It's a 3 way tie!!!  Only Peter Boyd did not win!

I'm just kidding.  There can be only one winner.  Seriously, Rafal - that's a fine looking stache.  Rafal Doloto takes it in a landslide.

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Next up.  A favorite among the fans.  Hairiest legs.

Jonathan Lehman
Scott Redd
Fred Hinsley
Shim's Mom
Chewbacca

Fred Hinsley has been disqualified for shaving.  Leaving the door wide open for the young Creighton research scientist guy, Jonathan Lehman!  Good Job kid.

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Best LT story teller.  This is awarded to the person who can casually tell you a story while you're struggling to hang on in the paceline.

Mark Savery
Greg Shimonek
Chris Spence
Lucas Marshall
Brady Murphy

This one's close.  They are all capable, but it comes down to story quality.  In the end it turned out to be good Ol' Brady Murphy.  I couldn't be more happy for him.  Sniff.  Note for next year.  The story subject matter should lean toward disgusting for higher quality points.

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The nominees for open piehole Ginny:

Mark Savery
Rafal Doloto
David Randleman
Brady Murphy
Peter Boyd

Um.  David Randleman!!!  Atta boy David!

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Most appropriate reference to "The Big Lebowski" during a ride:

Jolene Holland
Peter Boyd
Mike Munson
Fred Hinsley
The Big Peter Boyd (some Chinaman in Korea took his legs)

Yes - It's Peter Boyd.  Again.

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The nominees for the coveted Ginny for the year's most sophisticated asteisms:

Greg Shimonek
Fred Hinsley
Bryan Redemske
Eric O'Brien (also - didn't have to look up 'asteism')
Leah Kleager

Say it with me everyone: Bryan Redemske - good show, old boy.

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Group ride hill climb race strategy dispenser:

Mark Savery
Greg Shimonek
Rafal Doloto
Joe Savoie
My Mom

Woah there, buddy - watch it.  Anyway, was there ever any question?  C'mon up Rafal.  You're having a good night.

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Next award goes to the driver of the year's most enjoyable confrontation:

The guy who yelled at me to get on the sidewalk
The other guy who yelled at me to get on the sidewalk
The other guy who yelled at me to get on the sidewalk
The other guy who yelled at me to get on the sidewalk
The guy who almost ran over Brady, Peter and me because we were on what he later described as "His road."

Yeah - it's the fifth one.  Good times.

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Biggest stud on the bike:

Lee Bumgarner
Chris Spence
Lucas Marshall
Jonathan Wait
Joe Savoie's winter training tires

Let's hear it for Joe's tires everyone!  Good job, tires.

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The Tri-Boob Ginny award is given to people who are most often reprimanded for riding 3 abreast:

Bryan Redemske
Fred Hinsley
Greg Shimonek
Peter Boyd
Brady Murphy.

Since I've been yelled at for riding 3 abreast with each of the other nominees, I win!  Yes.  My very own Ginny!

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I'd like to take a break at this time for a plea.  There is no actual Gin Soaked Vagina award, so I will be accepting design submissions for next year.  So get those creative juices flowing and who knows; maybe  your own gin soaked vagina will be immortalized in bright lights next year.

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The following award is for the group ride that most literally applies the term "No drop ride."  Interesting note.  If you lose this award, you automatically win the award for least literal application of the "no drop ride."
But first, for any novices, The term "No drop ride" means that if you are fit enough to hang with the fastest guys in the group, you will not get dropped.

The Nominees are:

Tuesday night GSV ride
Wednesday night WNW ride.

Why don't you both come up and get your trophies.  Good job, rides.

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The Harden The Fuck Up Ginny is the person that embodies Rule V.  It goes to the person who slides on ice, bruises his coccyx 2 blocks from his home, gets up and struggles through the 80K winter ride, suffering and getting heroically dropped time and time again, only to say later, "Super swell ride, guys!"
That's how you harden the fuck up.  Good Job Munson.

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The last Ginny is called the "Holy Shit.  That's one strong mother fucker, mother fucker,"  and it goes to:

Samuel Jackson.

I'm just kidding.  Of course the winner is:

Chris Spence.

Yeah argue with me on that one or just shut up at let Spence pull you around at 40KPH into the wind for about an hour.

Thanks to all who played and lost.

Good night Bitches.